Reflections - Are you happy on your own?

I sat watching the waves crash for hours sipping hot chocolates, beers and coffees. It felt very peaceful. After a year of not traveling, here I was finally on my own, doing nothing and feeling content. I was happy!

It has been 2 years of uncertainty, no clarity of what the future would be post pandemic and watching the world suffer immensely while many lost their loved ones.

In retrospect, many of us still have a lot to be grateful for – simply being alive and having all your loved ones around was just more than what you could have asked for.

We underestimate what life offers more often than not. We also place a lot of pressure on others around us to keep us happy, keep us content and keep us going when happiness is an internal job – it is our own responsibility.

How many of us can shout out a yes if someone asks you if you are happy? How many of us can travel alone, sit still alone, watch a sunset or waves crashing and feel content?

Why is it that many of us need more people, circumstances and “chaos” around to create that safe, happy place for us? And when that doesn’t happen, how many of us complain that life is unfair and unjust?

A question that I get asked often is how and why do I mostly travel alone and enjoy? It has taken years, many days and nights of feeling lonely for me personally to realize that the world will always be unfair and will not always play right by you, your ideals, your values and expectations. Let it be work, passions, hobbies, relationships or friends & family – they all let you down at a point. It is life. Realization and the acceptance of this is the only way to live a fulfilling life.

Something we are not taught or trained is to be happy on our own. Learning to be the best self in every situation, giving your best and letting the nature take its course is not something human beings find comfort in. The more uncertain the world around us become, this brings a lot of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, sadness and anger into our lives.

If I have learnt something over the last few years, it is to know that pain and sadness in whichever sense is temporary. The more we learn to find happiness in our own self, simply our existence will lead you to be the best self and content all your life.

So next time, don’t hesitate to go on that trip alone, climb that mountain alone, take a course you like alone, just be alone and find that happiness that exists within you. Be happy with yourself first. Find happiness in solitude. Find the happiness in simple things – a sun rise, a sun set, a smile, great weather, a good meal, the workout you got in, a hug, a kiss, a kind word – feeling grateful should be a daily task – in fact the first task in your day.

Just stay away from anything or anyone who takes that happiness and uniqueness away from you.

You’d realize there is a lot more energy you can share with others when you find that light in you. It is not lonely. It is nothing but powerful and it can change the world.

Life is also too short! Make it worth! Live a life which is a story worth writing about.

xoxo

~ Angel Caught Off Guard ~

 

A silver ray; a genuine hope:

A bright day; a beautiful note:

A smile all day; night no longer bored;

A fresh perspective; what you denote!

 

Life's been too harsh; it's dwindled you

Some tore you apart and it's crushed you

Some stole your love; a lost soul - are you?

Life's speeding past; but where are you?

 

You’ve missed stops all along your way

Dare you – not think hope fades away

Hope is but a decimal; you think that way

Have you ever lived your life away?

 

Strange dreams, strangers, strange feelings afloat

7 days is all it took, off guard we were caught

Do angels exist; you questioned a lot

Did you know? you were one – after all!

 

CHAPTER 2 – Why Annapurna Circuit??

Annapurna Circuit is one of the most beautiful treks you could do in Central Nepal. The geography is slightly different to that of any trek in Himalayan Range. This is a trek that mostly everyone does anti clock wise due to quick altitude gains you would experience if you are doing otherwise which is not safer and recommended.

During this trek, you sight the beauties of Annapurna I to IV, Manaslu, Tilicho Peak, Dhaulagiri, Machchapuchchre and Pisang Peak – all in the range of 6000m – 8000m. The view everyday are beyond breathtaking in every possible sense.

The absolute breathtaking views during the trek

Given that the full trek is anywhere between 160km – 230km depending on where you begin and end, you also come across multitude of cultures and villages throughout your journey making it one of the best long treks you could take up. The Tibetan culture that you could experience in the Manang Valley as well as in parts of lower Mustang is beyond admirable.

There is never a day with a bad scenery. Each day has something new to offer

Trek starts in Besisahar and throughout mostly goes in parallel to Marsyangdi river for the most part of the trek.  Most trekkers do take the high trail from Upper Pisang via Gyaru and Ngawal to Manang as the view are extremely breathtaking and it helps with the altitude through better acclimatization as well. Also, some of the best-preserved Tibetan villages in their original state is something you could experience as well.

City of Besisahar

Preserved Tibetan Villages

And finally, this was a solo trek! It was going to be just me for 15 days! I was extremely anxious and knew I will have no one to share anything with except myself. There were many days, I tried not to think too much of the detail or what could go wrong. I remember during the Everest Base Camp trek, around 8^th day, we all cried. No one knew why we were crying – it was different reasons for different individuals. But we all did. It was more of a distraction from the fatigue – if I am to look at it from a different perspective now.

So it is all ready now. All that is left is a bag to be packed and a flight to board.

Next up - CHAPTER 3: Landed in Kathmandu - Prep days are fun!

Note: Some of the pictures are extracted from google as I did not have a good camera to capture all of it to preserve the natural beauty

Solo journey – Annapurna Circuit – Kathmandu to Mukthinath through Thorang La Pass (5416m/17769 ft)

CHAPTER 1 - How it all began

Since 2016, I have committed to one long duration hike every year. Even though I wish I had time to climb more, budgets as well as the number of off days on a full-time job limits me to do one significant hike a year. 2016 was Everest Base Camp (5300m). 2017 was Kinabalu (4,095 m) and completed the World’s Highest Via Ferrata – Low’s Peak. 2018 was a flop because all plans to do Kilimanjaro was washed down the drains as my visa was “in process” mode for over 8 months and was rejected with no reason – that was entering Tanzania. I had to settle to a 2 day Volcano hike and a long Indonesian backpacking trip.

Importance of the height – If you are an amateur hiker, you know how important the mountain height is to you. The higher you can climb and the strenuous the climb is the deciding factor for me in terms of the abnormal sense of achievement that lies at the end of the road. I would at some point love to learn some technical climbing, get myself trained to climb higher but when that would happen at this point remain uncertain. Until then, my aim is to focus on what I can do.

Solo or group – This is a tricky question! It all depends on your personality and the type of the mountain. Being an introvert, most of the time I enjoy trekking on my own. Even on a group trek with known individuals, most of the time, we tend to get on our own zone and trek at our own speed. It is meditation for me! On the other hand, during a longer trek, the mental exhaustion towards later part is much higher than physical fatigue where you wish there were people around to share it with. That being said, I prefer if the people I hike are known to me than being total strangers. There is an element of familiarity that helps you push at times – at least in my experience.

Selection of the tour guide/Porter/Trekking Company – I cannot explain how this could impact the success of your trek as well as your mental status during/after the trek. (spoiler alert: I had a really terrible ending to the relationship I had with the trekking guide who was on this trek unfortunately). Trekking guide could really be one of the individuals who can keep your moral high on a trek spanning a few days. Not only they would be the ones to show the right way but also could help you with the accommodation selection along the way, help you order food, push you for the summit mentally, etc.

So 2019, I looked up potential possibilities and decided that I would take up the Annapurna circuit trek. The complete trek would take you 21 days (which I didn’t have the liberty to do) but the highlight of this trek was that after the highest point which is Thorang La pass, your trek moves to a completely different geography (Manang Valley to Mastang Valley) within a day that you almost cannot believe it’s true. 

Map of Annapurna Circuit Trek

I chose Sep to start the hike, therefore, knew after Mukthinath (post highest point crossing), there are less chances of actually trekking due to the high number of landslides that kept occurring due to a prolonged monsoon. I kept that part of the plan open to do the trek as long as I could and decide on the go. But reaching Thorang La Pass ( 5416m ) was non negotiable for me.

Thorang La Pass Summit

Beauty of mountains and culture combination 

I had 2 months left for training when I left. From a 6 day CrossFit training to doing none in the last one year due to work priorities (I still think this is an excuse I keep telling myself), I had a bit of work to do. Started off with cardio as that is definitely key to shedding off some extra pounds which comes really handy on a mountain! It wasn’t great but well it was better than nothing.

Coming up.. CHAPTER 2 - Why Annapurna Circuit

Goodbye without a hello

People say goodbye sometimes without a hello;
Without knowing they break a heart.
Not everyone's life is a playground you play;
Caz all you know is a quick depart.
Some people break walls to let you come in;
So you would not break it apart.
Why question , hey beautiful why so insecure?
When you know you were gonna just part.
It's history at repeat darling trouble;
You would never know caz you can't.

Life's excitement never was in an outer layer;
or in a very high slit up the skirt..
or where the 36Ds did matter or how big was that a**
How long would your life see beauty, in the ones who take your arm;
Just for a night caz the life's so shallow, you don't remember the other half.

You say its the insecurities speaking; never heard you say someone's cool;
Unless they were high up in sky; or didn't give you the stares;

Well they say you meet people for a reason and so do I think so;
Yes did the heart break without much noise but it also told this so;
Beautiful, you are just awesome for being the real you:
Loving yourself and enjoying life and be the bright star, that is you,
Your value and confidence doesn't come from "high demand" you have out there;
your life ain't public property that is used by every man out there
and be proud it makes you special, wrong ones can always leave;
caz you are a precious little person in a world full of sin.

So my darling trouble, wish you happiness on the go;
of course you would find it everywhere you may go;
but I wish you find some purpose to life: than excitement at nights;
Caz life is so much more than what you see all day..
wish you stayed longer, wish you stayed to know more..
wish you walked out with me, wish you held my hand..
wish you climbed up high and felt the sky high..
wish you read me books under starry skies..
wish we just lied and had more youtube nights..
wish you took some time to see my life..
wish we had time walking along the beaches..
just wish you were here right now.
these tears fall down and I don't know why..

You said good bye;
and here I am once again building a wall so no one could ever again;
Do what you did to me!

Episode 6 – The big day is finally here

 December 3^rd, it is!

All that paranoid feelings about if you have missed anything that is important really gets in to you. Last night (Dec 2^nd) I in fact did unpack the entire bag and repacked it – shows how paranoid I was. I am beyond excited about this whole experience because of the mountain and a bunch of other things may be. Pitta was supposed to pick me at 1.30 PM and I can’t clearly describe how much I was waiting for him to come.

I was all ready and my mum even took a picture of me after I was ready (I now wonder what her intentions were but I convinced myself at that point that it was out of her habit of clicking pictures of anything that is around). I wore my fancy luminous green shoes with black pants and a black sweater.

Here comes a small Nano car and I loaded my backpack in and got in the backseat. It was warm and I felt safer – Do not know if it was the effect of Pitta being next to me or because I kept on telling myself that I would do ok.

I should say as usual we were the late comers. Rest of them were waiting eagerly to check in. So we exchanged cash to Nepalese Rupee and walked in. All procedures done and checked in. We were given the little summit madness badges as little tokens :) which were tagged on our bags/ sweaters.

So we do the iconic first groupie “all set to go” pic with everyone smiling (not really knowing what we are really going to put ourselves through in the next two weeks) and then gets an official to take another pic too.

Himalayan airways were used as they were the only direct flight operator to Nepal.

Somehow got a seat exchanged next to my most favorite 😇😇😇 in a flight full of Nepalese (who seemed mostly like they were forced to fly for some reason). It was mostly sleeping and eating during the flight.

We landed in Kathmandu safely around 8.20 PM. The social bees bought sims to keep in touch with the world and I am not sure why but I bought a sim as well which I never used during the trip. This process took almost one and half hours as there were only two officials catering to a queue (not sure if I could call a queue – more like a bunch of people trying to get ahead of each other ). We changed some cash from the airport too – money exchange also had a YETI in it :)

We were being greeted by Bijaya (our travel coordinator in Nepal) and guess what – we even got garlands around our necks – on a separate note, that was one of our requirements to Summit madness/Dayan and we never knew he would do it. It was fun! So selfies were a must.

Let me explain Bijaya’s personality a little more – He is the most silent, calm and composed agent I have ever seen. Even his most urgent demand would sound more calm than my most calm tone.

We were taken to the hotel where we would be spending two nights. So we had already got our rooms assigned as we preferred. And our fitness fanatic very voluntarily tried to replicate the "dress rehearsal" we did by now realizing this might not be possible in the mountains.

We had a quick change and stepped out in Kathmandu streets to roam a bit and to have dinner. After checking out a few places we checked in to an Italian restaurant where I first tasted momos. ( Review - I did not like it much )

We were entertained by a drunk waiter in the restaurant. He was so funny and we were so exhausted and it was the perfect combination that was required at that moment. (I uploaded a video directly on FB as blogger doesn't let me upload anything over 100MB - classic) We parted promising to visit them the following day as well. We step out to head back to the hotel.

It was a cold night in Kathmandu and I could not even think of how it would be in the mountains.

All this was followed by snuggles, cuddles and sleep.

We had to be fresh to do some sightseeing and shopping for many things which we postponed as we were going to get from KTM.

Next up – We go shopping...

Episode 5 – I cook chicken picked from garbage using expired milk

So when you use someone else’s house for your hike preps, you want to feel home. Oh well at least let’s say, you want to be a part of that home. So I tried J

For someone who rarely cooks at home and when that cooking is well limited to some healthy, easy snacks, prepping a meal is quite a task. But for a woman who was planning to trek to base camp, this cannot be anything daunting.

So while I was in charge of this “home” while the owner is busy at work, I decided to do a little bit of clean up and “cook”. So the selected food was Pasta - Easy and healthy.

Since there are many recipes available online, even decided to search for one that is different. So I finally found one which requires milk to be added to the mixture with eggs, chicken, and other vegetables.

The owner of the house being the only person living, has the chicken that must be thrown out and the milk that is expired in the fridge until the garbage truck comes (this was learnt after the fact) and I did NOT KNOW!

So I pick the chicken from a small bag and was thinking to myself as to why so little chicken is still left over. With greatest difficulty get the little skin left out of the bones and cook. Then got the milk that was in the fridge and mixed it and finished cooking. After finishing the dishes, I decided to have a glass of milk and poured myself from the same carton I used to cook.

One sip! It was expired. First thing that came in to my mind was that I spent almost one hour prepping the dish and I am not going to re-do.

Crisis management:

Step 1 – Taste the dish and see if it tastes weird – No.

Step 2 – Think of consequences – Bad tummy in worst case scenario – Can manage

Step 3 – Should I admit the same and throw this – No

Step 4 – Will I someday admit – Yes

Conscience clear and move ahead.

So the host is back home and the dinner is served. While watching a movie, we eat.

First remark – It tastes good. My guilty mind creaks. I ask for forgiveness within and move on. We are about to finish the dinner when he asks: from where did you get the chicken and I show. All I remember was me feeling awkward because I have used thrown out chicken which I wasn’t aware of.

Right now, I wanted to admit that even the milk used was expired but why blow the fire out of proportion anyway. So I keep shut.

Not a pleasant ending to my cooking episode. I prayed for no bad tummies for that night before sleep.

And few weeks later, I admitted that I used expired milk to cook and everything was fine. It was too late to be pissed off about. 

Next – The big day is finally here..

Episode 4 – Drama of packing the bags

Let’s call this the packing day! I decided to pack at one of our other crew member’s places. Even though I was supposed to hit his place at 7am, even at 8am, I am in my room staring at my cupboard full of clothes wondering what to be taken. Everything at this moment seemed so overwhelming.

Result – Six big bags of clothes!

I had a list written in the book of Pitta – not mine. How convenient!

So I finally reach there at 10am and pretty much idled (let’s say idling) till around noon staring at the pile of clothes I brought in.

I was acting such a newbie while someone seemed to have gotten it all together. I think this where as a girl, you look for attention being so helpless. Little bit of attention never did any harm to any independent woman – or so I think.

So I follow instructions – 2 sets each for trekking and nights. Pretty much threw all the clothes on the bed and started putting them together. For a light traveler who I usually am, this whole exercise seemed so overwhelming for many reasons. First – it is not just travelling. Second – So many new clothes: Fleece jackets, thermals, gloves, etc…

What was funny was that it took us some time to figure out which book to take (which in our imagination would be later used to spend our evenings in the heated lobbies while we wait for our food – now turning back, time spent on that was such a wastage)

And my bag is filled up (60L bag).

We step out for a while to get our rest of the vaccinations - Hepatitis A&B.

When we headed back home, guess who had the greatest of the ideas – our fitness fanatic.

DRESS REHEARSAL – I know it sounds funny but at this point, how we looked in all these clothes mattered. (until later we realized that we barely washed our bodies for days). So we wear all the layers of clothes and lie down, sit, dance around and pose. Life is good!

And tired us – end up falling asleep!

Everything at this point, I call a beautiful mess in more than one way and I am loving it.

Next up… I cook chicken from garbage using expired milk

Episode 3 – We get famous: interviews in papers!

Who would not love to be famous? I am sure none of us thought or really wanted a paper to interview us on the expedition that we were about to go on but looks like the word has spread out and given this is one of the very few commercial base camp expeditions initiated, this was IMPORTANT!

So we get a phone call from a well-known media company requesting for an interview and guess who said YES in one go? All six of us!

It is very common in any group that you have few people who are great spokespersons and some so not and we also had the same split. So it was fun trying to prepare ourselves on who is going to talk and who will keep the mouth shut.

We picked Coffee bean on one very sunny morning to get the interview going. All six of us dressed up – well not all because some decided to turn up in shorts (You know who you are) were ready for the interview. We picked the upper floor smoking area to ensure there is no disturbance.  

The interview started and we all got comfortable with the questions but not with the millions of clicks the camera man was very focused on.

I decided to get coffee and got few iced lattes which was later told my our famous group critic that it was so inappropriate for a morning meeting :D It should have been hot coffee it seems. I admit that comment was so right given that the reporter and the camera operator seemed so not impressed with the coffee.

The interview went well and we parted our ways anxiously waiting for the paper articles during the weekend.

Post article critic

·         The articles were out and we looked pretty. We liked the Sinhala version better than the English one.

·         Camera-man picked photos from facebook of Summit madness group where none of us were present – We even wondered if we would be sued by those who were in for using it without permission.

·         The article called our group critic a fitness fanatic which all of us thought was funny because it almost meant that he was a gym instructor in profession (at least my mum thought so)

·         Girls were there “sitting prettily” in his own words. We were offended!

·         Apparently you need a “special” watch, a bag, shoes, and lamps for hiking. Summit madness any comments?

·         And we (the group) apparently listens “with so much respect” to our leader – Dayan Sameera :D:D Say it again? (only we would know how many times we didn’t listen to him)

Well what do they say?     Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth!

Free publicity Squad :P

Next Episode - Drama of packing the bags..

Episode 2 – TrailSL video effort

While we trek, we decided to create awareness for something that we all believed as individuals. We wanted to support TrailSL through creating awareness. So a video was expected from the group describing the same and why we do this.

Trust me, after so many efforts, we got one poster out which talks about it but then we were asked to provide a video for TrailSL. This is when the tough work came to play. Given we had two photographers (did they call themselves so? well not really. They had a good eye), one critic and three beautiful ladies J, the task became more difficult than it should be. From picking a place to record to what need to be said to the lighting was a new decision to make. It wasn’t easy with 6 individuals who had their own opinions.

 

 

So our first spot was Viharamahadevi park. Guess what? We ended up doing a fancy mannequin video instead of the trail video. Then decided to go do shopping. And check out

Unsuccessful attempt 1!

We had lists created for our shopping and we were just ticking off one by one by now. Mine and my shopping partner’s list went up to 4 pages for each one of us J (Guess who was the creator of the list)

Usual dinners and hanging out follows this routine which usually ran up to 2-3 am. Who says life is not good when you don’t get things done?

Result is next day – a leave!

We try again on the next day at “The Paddington”. So our “cameramen” bring their sophisticated cameras and fix them and lighting is set and we repeat our lines just to find after few attempts, the mic has not been working or the lighting has diminished. Well, we didn’t fail at ordering good food and consuming it though.

 

Unsuccessful attempt 2!

Next day we go for our last attempt. Record videos of our own self (selfies) and send it for compilation. As you thought right, it was a messy affair. We finally couldn’t get out a video for this before we left.

Unsuccessful attempt 3!

Good news – We got our visas sorted today J

What else happens? Another day was wasted on shopping trying out everything possible that might stop us from freezing to death.

Next episode – We get famous: interviews in papers!

 

Episode 1 – We stormed, normed and was ready to "rock n roll"

 

It was all about getting the team together. We were six strangers who had equal fire in them to climb the beast. It didn’t take us more than couple of weeks to storm, norm and to be ready to perform. If I say that we didn’t have ego clashes, misunderstanding, and anger management issues (and even jealousy at times – may be my observations were off in this case), it would be wrong. We had all this to deal with but each day we passed by really made us a little family who started looking out for each other (and we still do).

 

The days were all about training ourselves harder. Each weekend was an early morning meeting in Mount Lavinia beach to drain ourselves for 4-5 hours just jogging in the sand. At points, we questioned what we were doing. Those push ups in sand makes your wrists just break! Well I guess beyond our questioning point, we knew that we all wanted one thing. We were all so tough headed in that way to achieve our goal. So the weeks went through hiking , cardio, more cardio and more knowledge sharing on the weather, gear, etc.

Our sleep spots were train stations or inside trains when we had to save money for our trip without spending them in hotels. Life was getting interesting by the day.

 

Finally we had our gear list together. We shopped. Late night shopping. Some of us seemed so good at picking up, fitting them, take pics and “social media” them. But poor souls like me had real trouble getting distracted every minute and ending up buying unnecessary outfits. Thanks to the favorite human beings around, they made sure I get what is needed in tact.

In fact my first shopping date was this! The longest ever. We shopped for almost 10 hours. Dinner and then home J