Sanity for my breakfast !

Lying on the bed and there runs my mind;

you have poisoned me with your charming smile..

unspoken words and a loud scream..

to save from sinking in insanity..

pinch me so I stay awake;

not drown in dreams that fade away..

eyes blink so fast watching distant images;

to have one more look at you,

before you fade.

being a stalker would have earned me millions;

thanks to you - the fading self!

Poisoned by your words and your presence;

adrenaline rush is what I feel.

my heart is a mystery, that I can vouch..

Neither I understand what kicks it alive..

wondering is all i do watching you..

to find that sparkle, my heart has seen..

well....

here rings my alarm, time to get out of my bed..

breakfast she shouts, my mum that is...

BUT...

here goes another morning...

with no food for breakfast ...caz you..

made me have my sanity instead !

In a relationship..

World seems to deceive me;

Guess it's taking me on a ride.

Getting me at the hellos;

Leaving my pride aside.

Don't trust my mind shouts loud;

Go with the flow shouts my heart.

Feels like a chaos in the darkness,

Road never seem to end..

A dark cloud that has eternally longed for,

the silver line - so my heart can mend..

Too many disappearing footsteps,

Too many starts that end !

Hey you! calls the invisible one;

get yourself back on track.

You look lost, he softly whispers;

To which I nodded back.

He says- I have never left you

I know darling, I tell him back..

He knows my sorrows and my pain;

My success and my joy;

He is been there throughout it all;

No matter how insane and coy;

Teach me again the ABCs...

Let the known be all destroyed!

So here I am finally falling in love;

With the only one I trust..

Learning the art of self respect;

Hard way I must..

I love how you stand by me all day;

Protecting all my secret lusts..

How I'd wish I can carve out you as a man

As God created human from dust;

World might seem beautiful for a while;

to hold hands and say we must;

Hey there..my own shadow;

Let my body, heart and soul ERUPT !!

I am strong in no body’s arms but mine!

 

Race with me!

A moment of truth..

As strong as she may seem, today reality did struck her. She was panting for breath, so helpless. Embarrassed and given up, she felt so weak. So much that she felt like the world is crashing in. Today was a day filled with lot of moments of truth that she had to believe that may be god or nature is speaking to her to convince her about who she is. The day was indeed full of surprises. Things that someone would call co-incidents seemed to happen one after the other. All those happy moments and news in the morning made her do the happy dance million times. Such a teenager at times - she is. Well looks like someone is making her feel so!

 

 

Then the evening - physically broken, mentally let down, she was never made up for giving up but she had to and it broke her down. Exposed herself to so much of insecurity and doubt. She sits under a tree when everything seems blurry and sophisticated. She was barely conscious. Shivering hands, sweaty palms, numb body in pain, unconscious mind - all of it was taking a troll on her. She was feeling lonely, weak and exposed. Many a times the thought of letting this dark secret ( admitting she was weak and gave up ) be told to someone special crossed her mind - she wasn't sure if she should. She sure did not like to see a loss of faith in her but she can never be fake, she will never lie. So she chose what was right! Wrote everything with shivering , sweaty fingers and hoped she stayed conscious to be done. She will never forget all the thoughts that occupied her mind.

 

Surrounding scared her so much..Moms doing yoga with their kids to a rhythm, couples laughing and walking by, parents with kids playing, people running and cycling, voice training classes and a choir singing, five squirrels randomly running all over the place, branches of a tree resembling a naked woman....It was all happening so fast and that was just a moment of truth for her to realize who she is. She vowed her self to work towards what she needs. She's got one more year and she will get there.

 

Last entire month of her life seemed like everything that happened was meant to be and the feeling was great. All of it lead to today and so many realities can never hit any human being like this in one day and surprisingly even meeting a good cop in SL !

 

Well life after all is so beautiful in its own way and when you least expect something, it gives you wonders that you start believing about the power of moments. And yes she does now believe that in this life, there is always a purpose and nature will always have a way of showing you the road. It could be pretty blunt at times but what's better than making things so clear!  She loved it as much as it scared her.

 

She is still very strong in her mind and may be if she did not give up today, she would have never experienced this life changing moment of truth where she felt what it's like to be felt weak! If anything that happened today had any impact, it only made her a little bit more stronger. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you were feeling weak but the moment you do it, you will always find nothing but confidence in your self the same way she did. She will surely reach a few steps higher. I bet she is wishing for more moments of truth so she gets to know something more about herself a little bit better than yesterday!

 

 

Breaking her walls to let you in

Portrait of Confidence, Courage and Failure